The Best Idea in the World

Lily and I had "the best idea in the world" tonight as we stood in line waiting to pay our admission into the high school Homecoming game. Sister hadn't felt well all afternoon, but made an amazing recovery before game time. But standing there in that line with her, in the fall chill, with her cold hands and her already wet socks, I knew it was not to be. I convinced her her "cold" was going to get colder, that we could very easily step out of that line, come home, make hot cocoa, put on our pj's, paint our nails and watch a movie. And that is just what we did, all the while congratulating ourselves for being so smart and warm and cozy. Gosh, it was such a relief! I had been wearing Luke in my Ergo front carrier, and my back was killing me. And with the busy-ness I've had lately and the time away I have scheduled, home is sweet, indeed!

One thing that isn't sweet is the smell wafting up from the carpet beside me where one of the boys spilled Lily's milk Wednesday night. (I just put two and two together to identify the problem.) Another is a $400 car repair bill I paid this week (but the mechanic tells me I'm very lucky to be alive, so how about that?) And maybe a final is that my girl truly isn't well again. She went to bed with a fever and a bellyache, and I'm scheduled for a minor overnight trip tomorrow and a major cross-country trip later in the week.

And then there's that baby! He's crying again, up for the fourth time in as many hours. Not only is he waking up often, but he wants to be nursed back to sleep every time. I, fourth-time mother, am at a real loss what to do with this kid and his terrible sleep habits. We've tried many things. All I know for sure is that his daddy is going to be very tired and very frustrated with him later this week when I fly the coop for three whole nights.

I am busy, blessed, tired and pressed for time. I'm looking forward to the many events in my life over the next couple of weeks, but looking forward also to nights like these, when my girl and I have the best idea in the world: to enjoy our home on cold nights with creature comforts and special people.

And I'm going to shampoo this floor first thing in the morning... after I wake up every hour or two to nurse this babe back to sleep. For every thing there is a season. This is the season of night nursing and, always, for the best ideas in the world.

The Mother Load

Please excuse my absence around here lately, but I have have been busy getting ready for a mammoth yard sale, among other things. I kid you not, in the past week, I have not only returned to work three days a week, but fed a newborn, gotten myself to the doctor for some antibiotics, survived a difficult neighborhood situation, managed my household, mothered four children, grown closer to my hubby and priced thirty totes of yard sale items. You read that right.

Thirty. Totes. 3-0.

And I'm not done yet.

So please excuse the mess in my home, my head and my heart. Most of those totes are of baby girl, toddler girl, little girl and big girl clothes. My girl's clothes. I do not deny that some of those totes were very hard to sift through. I've said it before and I'll say it again. My baby girl, my first baby and only girl, taught me how to truly give of myself. To become a mother, I had to give of myself in so many ways, so many times, ALL the time. And those clothes were all worn on that little creature, who grew and grew and who now stands just less than a foot shorter than me at the tender age of seven.

It's almost too much.


This week has been a week of growth. I've truly experienced that feeling that mothers of older children tell me all the time. "You'll miss this." "I still yearn for my children in baby form." "They grow so fast! Enjoy these baby days."

I'll even go so far as to say I had several of those "Sunrise, Sunset" moments where I stood at the table touching those clothes, remembering pictures and days, and watching my now half-grown Lilith fly through the back door in her impatient, sassy way and just blinking, blinking, blinking at her in amazement. That firstborn, much-loved babe grew up. She won't stop!

I'm keeping a big old box of clothes for me, and I'm yearning to take my girl on a special outing soon. Just us. I want to remember to be less hard on her, to not expect too much of her, to let her be as self-centered and needy as she wants. Because it won't be long until she thinks a day out with mom is subpar to time with friends. She won't be so free in her expressions of love. She has grown so much in seven years, and I can't even imagine what seven more will do.


I know those of you who are mothers are understanding this raw, real place I'm coming from. And, like a feather in your cap, please take this away tonight: They are right. It's true. You're gonna miss this. Keep surviving and thriving in your mommy caps. Get through the day to day, the nights paying bills, wiping fevered brows. Drink it up. And don't just save the memories. Swim around in them as often as you can.

And, if you're local and especially if you have a little girl or are expecting a baby soon (four totes of maternity!), check out the mother of a sale Thursday and Friday on Main in Waterford.

And, if you see that I need one, please pass me a tissue while you shop.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!

Miss Lilith turned seven today. My baby, my first baby and my only girl, is seven. I can't tell you how the last seven years have changed me, how I have become the person I was supposed to be by becoming a mother. I can't tell you how many kisses I've given and been given, how many sleepless nights I've had, how many times my heart has bubbled outside the confines of my body. My motherhood began with a traumatic labor and delivery seven years ago today, and I am so glad.

Lily had a raucous, lively birthday party dinner complete with Jukebox Pizza last night. Four friends spent the night. It all turned out well, with Lily saying this morning, before they left, that it was her "best birthday yet." Well, she spent the rest of her day whining, crying and, thank God, napping. This is a girl who doesn't do well when she doesn't get enough sleep. So I'm not sure when the next sleepover will take place, but this one made her happy while it lasted.

She did calm down enough tonight for me to tell her a couple of stories from the day she was born as I gave her a bath. When daddy and a nurse accompanied Lily in her Isolette out of the operating room, I'm told our family and friends in the hallway swore she was a boy because of her overwhelmingly loud cries and the air behind them. She had the most perfect rosebud mouth, the best complexion and a striking palette of dark hair, blue eyes and red lips. Even in those early, overwhelming days of new motherhood, I was so incredibly entranced with her soft pinkness, her angel face.

After her bath, I got to read her one of our favorite books: Love You Forever by Robert Munsch. Lily sweetly sang along to the refrain that repeats throughout the book, which I can't help but sing:

I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living,
My baby you'll be....

I really am so proud of my tall, smart, conscientious little girl. She's a helper and a learner. She is curious and kind and happy. I am blessed beyond measure that God gave me a girl. She is not only a precious part of me, but an amazing separate self.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!