Feed That Fire

I don't know about all of you, but this New Year's has me feeling a little anxious. I'm not sure how best to explain it.

It started last night with the promise of my first day back to work in twelve days. I checked Facebook just long enough to get an eyeful of ambitious resolutions from friends near and far. As I tackled a mountain of dirty dishes (by hand, mind you.. always, by hand), I felt the tension rising within me. I worried about rejoining my normally crazy life, my weight, my fitness, my finances. I felt a keen sense of self responsibility. "If I can't make more money, I'm going to be standing here in this very kitchen washing my dishes by hand for the rest of my life."

And today? Well, today, I feel I should be so lucky...

The anxiety has turned tides. I still feel something out there I can't quite explain. But I feel more grounded. I feel inspired somehow by women who have attained great success at their trades. I am listening to Adele and reading Sara Gruen right now. They both have me spellbound. My favorite show, Parenthood, starts back up tonight, and this time next week, I'll have played my first winter league volleyball game.

I had this idea that I'd be published in my early thirties. I'm 33 now. I'm not sure I knew I'd have four kids and a job keeping me busy, but I know now. And it's all good. I toe that line of being my own worst critic a lot of the time. And I'm going to stop.

I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing: raising fairly well-behaved, balanced, happy children; loving my very own wonderful husband; keeping my house homey and safe; working a job that keeps me current and engaged; writing, scrapbooking, blogging; gaining knowledge in all ways; and aging well. I still believe I am a child of God, and I believe, as Max Ehrmann waxed so many years ago, "the universe is unfolding as it should."

I'm feeding that fire in so many ways. I'm happy and healthy and blessed. And that is enough for today.

Do What You Love

My New Year's resolution: "Do What You Love."

I think this pretty much sums up everything. I want to spend more/most of my time with family and friends. I want to write. I want to mother. I want to make the world a better place.

Isn't it simple? Doesn't it sound lovely? Do what you love, kids. This life only comes around once. We have to take control of our own happiness, and what better way to do that than to do what I love?

Luckily, most of what I love is pretty wholesome and moral. I'm a lover and a camper and a cleaner. I am one of those lucky ones that really loves to parent. I love the written word. I love a good meal.

And so, today, I am going to savor the fact that I got to sleep in with my love, dating-style. I get to shop a bit with my momma, kid-free. And then I get to pick up my kids, wish them a happy new year and give them high-fives.

Confession: Yesterday, Shrek and I took Lily and Max to see Tangled in 3-D, and I cried, like, three times. I really, truly, thoroughly enjoyed it! Lily sat beside me in her nerdy 3-D glasses and laughed and laughed. She was absolutely riveted by the movie, and I was riveted by her. At one point, the entire theater seemed to be full of lighted, floating lanterns, and, when my seven-year-old baby girl reached out to lift one up, I cried.

And so, it's moments like these that I will seek to find. I will savor and love and nurture and cultivate; I will grow the flowers of people I want to see more of in this world.

And, as if all of this isn't enough, I will bring a final Roberts babe into the world in a matter of weeks. With hard work, luck and discipline, he'll join his siblings in the light, in being a good person when being a good person is hard to do. He'll be gorgeous and sweet, and I am so honored that I'll be his momma.

Happy 2011 to all of you. Let's walk in the sunshine together....

NYE10

The kids are snug at Mammaw Donna's.

I have debated and debated, and finally, armed with caffeine from a hazelnut Keurig K-Cup and the gorgeous new necklace Shrek gave me for Christmas, I'm GOING!

I'm off to celebrate the New Year, or at least stay as long as I can.

All of you: BE SAFE. May 2011 bring blessings upon blessings with a bit of fortune thrown in as well!

Love to you, my readers,

EJ