Thursday, February 17, 2011
Getting It Right
My mind has been working overtime. I tell you: the details float around my head like you wouldn't believe. I am trying to stay on top of so many things: paperwork, bills, memory keeping, laundry, dishes, preschool, first grade, gymnastics, visitors, emails, on and on... oh, and the care, keeping, feeding, diapering, bathing, chauffering and sleeping of my four children.
I'm doing a decent job. I keep telling myself this--that not writing in my journal for more than two weeks is completely normal for my situation, that my mind can only remember so much, that I am doing a really good job at not sweating the small stuff. That, basically, I need not be so hard on myself. I shouldn't be my toughest critic. That I really can't feel guilty for two opposites at once: feeling bad because I can't keep up on all the things I want to do, yet alternately feeling bad for trying to catch up when I should be sleeping. It's crazy!
I do know this: random memories keep popping into my head at strange times. For instance, just yesterday I remembered how I caught myself, sometime around 5 a.m. the first night we were home with Lucas, burping him upside down. I'm not kidding. I was very tired and very groggy, and something wasn't quite right. Upon patting down the baby, I realized his head was where his legs should be and his legs were where his head should be. No lie. I laughed about it then, and I am laughing now.
I just had to call a good friend to relate a quick funny story yesterday. While I was on the phone, the boys ran amok and the baby fussed and started to root around for a snack. Somehow, I rubbed my eye and wa-la! My contact was gone... As in, it could have been anywhere on me, on my shirt, on the baby, the Boppy, the blankets, or even in my eye, and I could not find it. So I squinted my way through the next twenty minutes of mayhem and finally resorted to opening yet another new contact. I told Dave last night that I had a gut feeling it was still in my eye somewhere, but that I couldn't tell. And, just now, I remembered how this morning, after I settled back into bed after the 4 a.m. picnic Lucas has established and as Dave was rising to go to work, I rubbed my eye and out it fell. I handed the contact to my tired, befuddled husband and told him to put it in an empty case I remembered was laying on the bathroom counter.
And I made a pact with myself to pick up the video camera today because, as I told my sis yesterday, I didn't think I'd picked it up since she filmed some of the baby's first moments after delivery. After I finished the DVD today and reviewed it, I found that I had filmed much more than I thought and had no recollection of doing it until I saw the clips.
All of this really just points to the fact that my brain is on overload. It's tired and excited and overwhelmed by my newly enhanced (again) life.
In spite of all my doubts, my oops moments and my shortcomings, I am okay. I am really focusing on the kids, the essentials, the moments that take my breath away.
I might be wearing mismatched socks, Colby may have worn no socks at all under his barn boots today and I may feel like I have more socks to fold than the Duggars, but I'm okay!
I'm finally here. I've arrived. I'm savoring all I can, and I'm finally getting it right.