Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Climbing Back Up

I have random happiness tonight. I'm not sure why it's surfacing, but we don't question brilliance now, do we? I am in awe of the weather, though I know rain is coming. I am in love with my children. I am making peace with my job. I am so blessed with amazing girlfriends, incredible relatives, a community I am proud to call home.

But wait. There's more. I played volleyball tonight, just saw the righteous season finale of "Parenthood," and I'm 2/3 through Mockingjay, book 3 of The Hunger Games trilogy. Oh man, oh man! Am I Team Peeta or Team Gale? Well, I'm Team Katniss. I want her to win.

And today I looked up the coordinates of my heart. True story. I now know the coordinates of Lake Tweet, which isn't just a place, but a living thing comprised of family, history, memories, fun. The best of times. The place I think of when I need a haven, a hope.

And I've needed that lately. These past few months have been a little trying for me. I'm still sorting through the reasons why. But my life has ebbed, my flow crippled a bit. It wasn't just work, or winter, or wanderings. It might have been all three or none of them. It just was.

I'm not going to try to explain it. But I am going to keep propelling myself forward, keeping my priorities in mind, my heart in armor when it needs to be and blazing like the sun when it doesn't.

Someday, I'm going to write a book, I think. Maybe more than one. And maybe I won't. That's hard to admit, but it's an option. I might never get my mind around it, but getting anywhere is the journey. And I'm having such a good trip.

My crowning glory in this life might be my children. They're beautiful.

And they are learning how to be aware of others, how to be grateful. How to live well. 

I took the older two and the baby to the fairgrounds to ride bikes, scooters, and strollers while Colby napped with Daddy on Sunday. At one point, Lily wanted a drink and then kept riding her bike. She was across the track from me, and we kept missing each other near the water station. I finally left the bottle on the ground and borrowed rocks from a slag pile to spell out her name where she would see it. 

I knew my girl would love this trick. What I didn't know is that she'd be smart and patient enough to return the gesture. When I came back around, I was touched to see her response. Where her name and the water bottle had been, I found this:

Raising her and her siblings up right. That is the goal, the struggle, and the reward. Most of all, it's a blessing. And I'm back up, ready to soldier on.

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