Desiderata

I bet some of you have been feeling a bit like I've been feeling. As in depressed, hopeless, dejected, trapped, bamboozled and sad. The rain, oh, the rain. It seems to stop long enough to give us one glorious spring day each week. And then there's the kick in the gut you get every time you fill up your gas tank. And the political mud-slinging on Facebook. Enough!

Today was our day of sunshine. I am trying hard to soak it up when I can and to change my mind about how doomed we are. Because while we have endless mud and puddles, others have homes destroyed by tornadoes. Some have lost loved ones. Still others are anxiously watching river levels and sandbagging to keep the floods out.

So I'm going to pull up. I'm going to dig deep, get some sleep, keep brainstorming about how I'm going to improve my lot and better myself. I'm going to keep it all in perspective, not allow myself to feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I'm going to love and love well. I'm going to remember the little people and trust in the Big Guy.

Days like these have me reaching for my favorite poem. God bless you, Max Ehrmann, for writing "Desiderata" in 1927. You and I would have been fine friends.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

When Life Gives You Mud

...make mud pies.

So. I'm back to work. Life is different, for sure, but we're okay. But I must admit, I am a bit grumpy tonight.

Most of the first day back at work was fueled by adrenaline. It was almost fun. I over-prepared. There were organized piles all over my house, ready for packing, dressing, grabbing, whatever, on Monday morning. I even made dinner (in the crock pot) before I left for work! I rocked the first day of getting out of the house with four kids!

At work, I was heady with the accomplishment of it all. By afternoon, though, reality set in. I worried about milk supply, I was reintroduced to some of the work problems I'd left behind, and I started to crash. I very keenly began to feel the invisible ties that bind me.

And I've done some thinking and reflecting since then. What I've come to is this: one day, I plan to get paid to do what I love. I am a work in progress. I am evolving. I am not yet done. And while "all I ever have to be is what He made me," I am not yet completely who I was made to be.

How does one work on a large, long-term goal when they are as busy and needed as I am? Well, I am not sure. But I know if I do all for good, good will come of it. I am quietly confident that this will work out for me. I just have to keep doing what I'm doing. I have to research and act on my dreams when I can. And I have to believe I can do it.

I can't find the exact quote that I'm looking for right now, but the gist of it is "God is never late, he is always right on time."

So I'm going to go with God here. I'm going to keep doing the things that are good and right. I am going to try to designate some time to be still and listen.

And while I'm busily going about this plan, I am going to follow my four-year-old Max's simple, unquestioning way of life. When life gives me mud, like it did here today, I'm going to make mud pies.