All is Calm

An old snap of Lily, who is more excited about the snow than I am!

Dude, why is it always 11 p.m.?

Not really, but I can't seem to stop at night. I'm always doing "one more thing," no matter what time of year it is and what day it is. I had an amazingly productive and enjoyable day off yesterday and a more relaxing and family-oriented day today. Next up is church and a huge family Christmas party tomorrow. I love this time of year.

And I love this moment...

This one, right here. My beautiful live tree winking at me from across the room; my handsome hubby snoozing on the loveseat and some dumb movie on TV (ok, that could be improved); four kids dreaming of presents, binkies, milk, whatever it is that makes each of them happy; and the thinnest, sparkliest, most beautiful dusting of snow covering the earth, the trees, the roofs and decks outside. FINALLY!

There are so many out there who don't have this. And I hurt for them.

I hurt for those who are lonely (which is different from being alone), for those who are abused in all its many vicious forms, for those who are hungry for food, for comfort, for friends.

I'm not so idealistic that I don't realize this thin blanket of snow is a thin blanket sucking the body heat out of those who desperately need that body heat to survive outside when shelter is hard to find. I know there are some out there who not only don't call their relatives friends, but don't call on them at all. I know there are parents hurting for lost children, parents who would give anything to have that chance to smooth the brow of their sleeping son or daughter just once more. There are neglected and abused children who don't know that the world is bigger than the hell that is their homes.

And for all of them, I pray. I wish them all this moment, or one very similar: A moment where all is calm and all is bright.

A Human Being

What a chill kind of night.

I've had such a huge bouquet of emotions in the past two days that I feel like I've been through a whole week already. I'm thankful now to be stable. I'm rocking comfortably in a pleasant, thoughtful, light-hearted mood. I'm thankful for some perspective I've gained in the past 24 hours. I'm seeing the forest and not the trees. I've reminded myself that my hormones are still churning wildly and that three months into a postpartum period is no time to make big decisions or changes.

And, again, I'm full of gratitude. There are reminders all around me, all the time that I am, indeed, blessed beyond measure.

So tonight, I see the beauty in a Tuesday night. I see my joy in my children, my solace in my husband, my place in my world. And it is good.

I know for certain: I am rich in the ways that matter. Tonight, I am allowing myself to be a human being, and not so much a human doing.

It's a good night.

Sweet Rewards

A typical pre-bedtime scene at the Roberts house... Big kids sipping on berry banana smoothies and Daddy trying to get a smile out of the baby.

Ah, a Smirnoff after the kids are in bed after a long day. This is my reward.... Oh, and the clean, shiny freshly-bathed kids, of course!

I love this weather, the slow way the family all trails in the back door as the sun sets. The dirty, tired kids and the promise of so many more days like these. Not right away, but soon, they are promised.

I've been spending my final days off work getting some big items off my to-do list, practicing being away from my reasons and alternately pep-talking and terrifying myself about returning. Alas, the day will come no matter what I do. And we'll be all right.

Today I took a little trip. My primary goal was to pick up a part for my van. One of the rear sliding doors has been on the fritz. Thankfully, I have one of those amazing husbands who can fix just about anything. He investigated, found the problem and not only ordered and paid for it over the phone but had it installed within minutes of getting home from work today! Bonus points!! Oh, and when I jumped out of the passenger side of the van when we were almost late for church on Sunday and forgot I wasn't supposed to use the door and yanked on the handle and tore the door off the van?? Well, he "shrekked" it for awhile and got us to church on time. I'm telling you, I'm one lucky woman!

Back to today, I made a day trip out of the errand. I packed up the boys, took them to sitters for a dry run, and hit both Kohl's and Wal-Mart. I wandered around in Kohl's aimlessly for way too long. I don't think we moms realize how tired we are until we're without kids and in that dreamlike stage of freedom. I kept thinking I should be more productive, I should be having more fun. I couldn't figure out what I should be doing, but, in the end, I came out with some pretty sweet deals and the satisfaction of looking at everything I'd wanted to see.

Probably the most successful part of the day was just getting out of the house with the unbelievable amount of things a mother and four children need to survive a day like today. It's crazy!

About a month ago, during my first shopping trip with Luke, he was screaming to be fed as I waited in the checkout line. Once I finally got to the cashier, she said, "They say it's good for babies to cry, but it's hard to listen." And I was like, "They do? I've heard a lot of things, but I've never heard that." (Who are "they" anyway???) She went on to say it exercised their lungs or some mumbo-jumbo.

Well, getting out of the house could possibly be good for a mother's blood pressure, but I'm not sure. I swear, the final twenty minutes or so of my exit is NOT pretty. It's random yelling to speed up the older kids, shush the baby, soothe the toddler. It's grabbing a million floppy handles to bags filled with everything you can imagine. It's changing that dirty diaper that always seems to throw a wrench in things. And it's trying to keep my head from blowing up, because my blood pressure has to be soaring and the clock won't stop!

May you never, ever come capture those horrible moments of my motherhood, and may you know the salve of damp, sweet-smelling children after baths on a balmy night. Oh, and a Smirnoff too!




Namaste, my friends. Namaste.

Warning: Big Weekend Ahead

Colby passed out in a precarious position on the loveseat after a long morning of yard sales and cleaning the house. Meanwhile, the other two kids were proud to show off their yard sale finds....


We've got a very special friend campfire to enjoy tonight, a wedding that will be gorgeous, fun and kid-free tomorrow and two family meetings to attend on Sunday. (One on my side of the family, one on Shrek's.) These meetings will pack a wallop on a Sunday, but I am confident that, through the grace of God and the meek following of humankind, these meetings will bring about peace, and not just change and heartache.

So. It appears this tired momma is missing naptime again.

Gotta go. May peace be the centerpiece of my weekend and yours.

Quiet on the Mind Front

So I feel a little bit like Lil looks in the photo above. I guess I'm a little burnt out on blogging right now, but I'm feeling pretty peaceful and comfortable in general.

I'm gaining weight, or at least gaining a belly. I tell ya, the fourth shows quickly. I'm bidding farewell to the first trimester, thanking the Lord for blessings in all areas of life, and trying to get myself back into the spirit of sharing more of it with all of you.

Hope all of you are just chillin', waitin' on me to recharge. =)

Ciao for now!