No Use Crying

Nope, not me. I'm not crying over forgetting to take breast milk to the sitter's house, wasted gasoline, liquid creamer all over the kitchen floor, a $119 speeding ticket or Lily getting on the wrong bus and coming home to an empty house. No, there is no use crying.

I did almost cry when I had a nice moment with a coworker this morning during which she asked me what God was telling me and I said, "To hang on."

And I did almost cry when I heard my crying girl over a neighbor's phone today, sobbing from hearing her mommy trying to reach her on the answering machine but not remembering, in the moment, that in order to talk on our new phones, you press a green button and not the center button.

I knew this year would be hard. First years with new babies always are. And guess what? This year is hard. Really hard. (Really.)

I'm fighting the urge to make changes... I won't make changes. I'll hang on and roll with the punches. I'll push on, and, soon, I'll look back to see the progress I've made.

And if I can keep this perspective, just get through the not-so-hot days, cherish the good days, and see that most days are both, at any given moment, I'll come out of this crazy thing a better person. I know the weather will improve--hopefully before we all grow fins--and these days will be infused with the Vitamin D I've been needing.

And there's no use crying. Unless, of course, I need to. Then I will. But no, not now. I'm good. =)

Going Through It

It's been a somewhat long weekend of keeping four kids fed, bathed and happy while running to several different social functions. I had fun in showing off our new beautiful boy, as well as some of our new photos, to family and friends.

Some of the family in town included my youngest uncle and his wife, who are expecting their third in a matter of weeks. When we parted ways today I jokingly told him to feel free to call us for advice anytime and that we would tell him we didn't have any. And then I said the truth: "There's no easy way around it, you just gotta go through it."

Because sometimes the growing pains are excruciating. The baby's cries added to the radio and the random squeals and protests and singsong voices of older siblings in the car can be just deafening. Sometimes finding peace and sanity is no more realistic than winning the lottery. And, sometimes, you can't remember why you married the person you married.

But then you remember. The older brother lets the baby suck on his finger and the crying stops. The squealer falls asleep. You push away the fog of your bad mood to accept the random kiss your husband offers as you pass, again, in the hall, sometimes like ships in the night.


And, just as quickly, the peace is broken. Somebody hits somebody, milk spills on the carpet, a forehead slams into a doorjamb, or any combination of similar catastrophes.

At times, the minutes pass like hours. Yet, somehow, there's never enough time to get it all done. The to-do list grows almost, but not quite, as fast as your cluster-feeding nursing newborn. The hard thing--as if there is only one--is finding that balance between getting through the day and not wishing time away.

Because I believe what they tell me. I'll want these little people back. I'll miss the handprints on my windows, the smell of the tousled hair rubbing up against my nose, the sheer softness of their skin and the simplicity of their thinking.


So I'm going to keep on keeping on. I'm going to remember one of my many mantras: faith, grace and selflessness. I'm going to go back to work when I must, and burn the candle at both ends to make it all work.

And I'm not even going to try to get around it. I'm going to go through it, and I'm going to make sure I make it worthwhile.

Thanks, again, to the lovely Kristin Pottmeyer for these amazing photos.

Birth Eve / Truths

Today I learned that pedicures at home with three children are better than pedicures at salons. Seriously... I got the job done, stayed relaxed through the whole thing and made some awesome memories. Don't believe me? Check it out...





And now that I have posted photos of the boys getting pedicures, I'll post one of me, with morning hair, no make-up and the "Big Belly" as Lily started to call me tonight....


A couple more truths for you tonight:
- I'm due at the hospital in eight hours.
- When I rocked Colby to sleep tonight and sang a couple choruses of "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always / As long as I'm living, My baby you'll be," I cried.
- I'm ready. I'm only a tad nervous, mostly because I'm so close to go time, and knowing I need a bath, a journal and a good night's sleep.
- I have faith that all will go well, that God will be by my side.

Goodnight and Godspeed, little man!