Birth Eve / Truths

Today I learned that pedicures at home with three children are better than pedicures at salons. Seriously... I got the job done, stayed relaxed through the whole thing and made some awesome memories. Don't believe me? Check it out...





And now that I have posted photos of the boys getting pedicures, I'll post one of me, with morning hair, no make-up and the "Big Belly" as Lily started to call me tonight....


A couple more truths for you tonight:
- I'm due at the hospital in eight hours.
- When I rocked Colby to sleep tonight and sang a couple choruses of "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always / As long as I'm living, My baby you'll be," I cried.
- I'm ready. I'm only a tad nervous, mostly because I'm so close to go time, and knowing I need a bath, a journal and a good night's sleep.
- I have faith that all will go well, that God will be by my side.

Goodnight and Godspeed, little man!

It's the Final Countdown

So we're in Final Countdown mode around here. However, since I've been nesting for a good month, we're ready for game time. I have decided, though, that the longer you have, the more you do. There are always more bills to pay, laundry to beat, toenails to paint. My to-do list the past two days has been slaughtered. Tomorrow, I relax. We'll head to a second birthday party for my niece Brooklyn tomorrow night, and it will be "go time" before we know it!

I've had fun playing with my new phone--a Droid Incredible--the past couple of days. Wow, kids. It really is amazing what today's smart phones can do!!! So this is good news for you all, with your picture-hungry eyes and your natural human curiosity to know as much as you can as soon as you can. (I know the feeling.) We'll be posting photos and maybe even blog posts from the comfort (discomfort?) of our hospital room.

I also have to remember to shoot one final video of the Roberts kids while their number is still three tomorrow night. And it's always incredible to look back on one last moving image of the amazing belly that the final weeks of pregnancy bring.

Soon, I'll be breathing through it, keeping my eye on the prize, and then nuzzling a new miracle.

See you all on the other side!

Dance Party USA

Wow. What a day! A snow day in so many ways, and the kids were rotten. I worked from home a bit. I took them to the sitter's this morning, thinking I could get at least four hours of intense work done, but then the snow started sticking enough that I got nervous and went to pick them up earlier than planned. The rest of the day went kind of downhill, but ah well. It stabilized tonight once Daddy got home. I made killer Philly chicken hoagies, and we spent our family time with a dance party and Wii games.

Here are some snaps...


The dance party started with a slow dance. Max was a natural, and my only regret is that Dave didn't get a photo of the awesomeness that is Max when he danced so tenderly and lovingly with his 9-month-pregnant mommy, who danced on her knees to even things up. I did capture the above shot of a daddy and his girl, who was dancing on his feet.

Things got wild from there....




Isn't Colby so cute with his haircut?


Daddy says Colby loves being in the boys' club, but I think Daddy is the one who loves it best.

Bedtime came soon enough, and here I am, winding down on Facebook, Blogger and getting more work done before I pitch it all for a whole different line of work: caring for a newborn.

So here's my 35.5-week photo. Hoping we only snap another one or two belly pics before we meet our final dance team member.

Tomorrow? Well, I'll employ the dance party cure a bit earlier in the day. There will be endless hours, boo-boos, yelling matches and failed nap attempts. And, tomorrow at this time, I'll be even richer in love and in life.

Still Baking

My boys love to bake! I don't think Colby has the bug as bad as Max does, but he's up for some climbing on step stools and licking brownie batter whenever the opportunities present themselves.

They are so cute. And their brother is still baking too. I'm 35 weeks plus now, dilating a bit. Even the doc seemed a little surprised by how low the baby's head is. Yep, sure is. I'm headed to the restroom every 20 or 30 minutes during the day and at least three times a night.

But I'm in good shape. Thanks to friends and family, I've lined up some crucial pieces of baby gear I was lacking. I've got the nursery in order: Colby's clothes have been forced into one dresser, the newborn and 0-3 month clothes have been tucked into the drawers of the second dresser, and the closet that has had random baby items shoved in it for.... oh, about seven years now... has been sorted into some semblance of order for the the fourth baby in a row!

So, I'm still waiting, happily enough. I'm baking my own miracle and helping my other miracles bake brownies. It's a good thing I bake cute boys, since they seem to be overtaking the house.

Happy snowy weekend to you and yours! If you get chance, bake brownies!

Balancing Act

So I'm waiting on a baby.

I'm feeling upbeat, nesting, getting a lot of things done. I'm back at work, but much refreshed. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! The days are long; I miss my naps. But I'm hanging in. I'm finishing projects, sending important emails and trying not to bust my ass on the newly waxed hallway floors. It's all good.

And I'm balancing. I'm balancing the urge to see this baby soon with letting this baby mature and gestate as long as possible. I'm trying to both spend extra one-on-one time with each of my three kids while enjoying any alone time I can find, knowing it will soon be more scarce than it already is. I'm balancing the urge to nest feverishly with the knowledge that it might just be better to relax and know that things will fall into place as needed.

I'm amazed by how peaceful I can still feel while knowing what's ahead. I'm no spring chicken mother. I know this is going to be tough, especially since big brother Colby will be only 20 months old.

I know, from experience, that I'll be rather tied to an adorable, but demanding, nursing newborn, that I'll sit on the couch nursing for hours on end looking at the mess that is my living room and wanting, craving, desperately seeking ten solitary minutes to run around the place, monkey-do-style, to clean it up. I'll yearn for my Kenmore, for a stunt double to keep the house the way I want to keep it.

I'll be up all hours of the night, so tired at times that it won't be funny at all, that I won't even be able to do it justice in a story to my sister on the cell phone on her way to work the next day. I'll be pouchy and leaky and will have numerous physical oddities occurring all over the map of my body.

I'll hate my husband. I'll resent the fact that the buck stops here, that I am the end-all, be-all. I will look at his sleeping figure during the third feeding of the night, and I'll want to kick him. I'll feel the horns growing from my forehead. And then I'll wake up the next morning and forget all about it. He'll turn back into my lifeline: the half of me that goes out of the house for normal life, the one who picks up the dark chocolate or the Teddy Grahams or the coffee creamer that helps me carry on. He'll melt my heart as I watch him melt the first time the baby smiles at him. He'll be the one who goes through the experience with me, as much as anyone can anyway.

I'll struggle through some days and soar through others. Caring for a newborn in addition to my three other children will likely be one of the hardest physical challenges I'll ever live through. And I will live through it.

I'll take the amazing, heartwarming moments motherhood will bring whenever they present themselves. I'll tuck them into the folds of my heart. I'll savor the funny things the kids say, cherish the times when four little heads lean together in affection, squirrel away the memories for the sunset of my life. I'll resolve to hold fast to the moments that take my breath away.

And it will be awesome...

So, baby, I'm waiting. I'm growing and thinking and enjoying. I'm prepared to take the balancing act that is my motherhood to the next level. Take your time in there, and know that your momma will be ready when you are.

It's going to be epic.

I'm So Crafty...

I just saw this graphic on the Internet and couldn't help it. I had to use it!

I really am so crafty that I make people! All of my little people I've made so far are doing all right. Poor Max, I'm assuming with a weakened immune system from his recent surgery and fast, picked up that nasty stomach virus. It hit him at about 2:30 a.m. and was so bad that both he and daddy ended up taking showers! Meanwhile, I was on the floor with Clorox wipes and then a scalding hot bucket of bleach water. Unfortunately, I'd been up late creating a 2010 family photo book for Christmas (see, told you I was crafty!), so I'd had only a couple hours sleep. It was a long night. Luckily, I got one more burst of sleep between 5 and 7 a.m.: just enough for a nearly 8-month pregnant lady to function, I guess.

Alas, the emissions have stopped now, and, so far, there are no signs of other crafty little people (or big people) picking them back up. I really hope we're done with it.

And so, while there is more I'd like to write and do and even though I got a decent nap today, I must close. I must NOT continue to waste time on the Internet, try to catch up on my work, think of Christmas projects I just have to do tonight, familiarize myself with my new vidcam or even prepare for morning rush. Forget it! I'm going to bed.

(Dear Lord, please let me stay in it. Please keep those ickies away!)

Hangin' In (30 Weeks)

Well, my husband has finally reappeared this evening, but will be leaving again very soon. It's been a long three days without him, but I'm hoping the next three will get better. I'm done with my work week, the house isn't too shabby and there's snow on the ground!!! (This, alone, makes me happy.)

I'm ready to try to relax a bit during the next couple of days, although I feel a need to tackle Christmas projects while I'm still feeling human. There have been times this week where I have NOT.

I'm missing my camera big time, and hoping it is waiting on me, along with about five other packages, at the post office in the morning. Sorry, Mr. Postman, I've been too busy to come 'round and collect my goods!

Truth be told, I'm pretty exhausted, but still upbeat, for the most part. I'm just checking in tonight. So let's take this as a raincheck-snowcheck?-for a better post later. Hopefully, with new, clear photos...

27 Weeks :: Movin' Right Along

I don't have much energy left, but wanted to check in tonight. Exhaustion has been a theme this week. I do well throughout the day, but tend to crash around 8 or 9 p.m. I've got some aches and pains here and there, and some nights the heartburn kills. But by and large -- no pun intended -- I'm doing well.

I was supposed to have a four-dimensional ultrasound and some other OB visit highights on Friday, but I had to reschedule them to make room for Max's tonsillectomy. Ugh... On Friday, my little man goes under the knife, and I'm not looking forward to it. Lily had her tonsils out at three, in 2007, and we had a time of it! I'm hoping this time is much better for us.

But tomorrow is a gift. All three kids will be home, I'm off work, and the weather is supposed to be fantastic! So we'll take that day like a bird in the hand before things go downhill. We'll play and savor and picnic. And I promise not to play Christmas music.

Thanks to all of you veterans and active duty military for making these days possible, for making America the amazing and free country it is, and for making us all feel safe and secure, even when you didn't.

Good night, America. Go hug a veteran.

Me, In a Cape

I admit, I have a picture problem. As in, I can't seem to capture the right images to make my blogging life easier and more meaningful. For instance, today I'd like a photo of myself looking tired and very pregnant, but in a cape. Because I feel a bit like a tired, very pregnant superhero today. (But this pretty fall shot of me and some of my favorite people will have to do.)

I've been cleaning and sorting and loving on my kids. I also started a book that had me hooked in the first 20 pages, took a nap with the boys today and rested just a bit. But mostly, I grabbed the bull by the horns for the first of four days off. I think so I could crash later on in the break. Please remind me to crash. And, maybe, not to answer all my work email so quickly and efficiently. Oh, and not to constantly reach for that dirty sock, small piece of trash or wayward toy.

I feel strangely huge all the sudden, as in, say, the past four or five days. I marvel at the fact that I have about 16 more weeks of growing to do. I have to admit, though, that I like my pregnant shape. I'm an all-belly kind of girl--no mistaking this bump for anything but what it is: a healthy, strapping babe about to enter the world. If you haven't seen me, trust me when I tell you that I could easily convince you that I'm due next week, or, at the very least, next month.

I am getting a break this weekend, and I'm going to use it to relax and recharge. And to think, even more, about what I want this blog to be and what I want it to do. There are a lot of you reading out there, though I must admit, some of you are very quiet about it. Don't be afraid to follow me here on Blogger or to leave me a comment here on the actual blog. Many of you are Facebook junkies (like me) and read or comment on the blog there instead.

I ran into an old friend this week who I haven't seen for at least a year. I said, "I bet you didn't even know I was pregnant again," and she said, "Oh, yeah, I read it on your blog." She felt like we were all caught up, but not me, man. =) Shout out to you, old friend, who I now know is reading my blog.

Experiences like these are good. I don't feel a shocking reminder to watch what I say or reconsider what I share here. Instead, I feel real and true and grounded, like I'm really just keeping up with all of you, even though sometimes, most times, it's one-sided. But this is me, and I want to share with all of you. Just be sure to give me a poke every now and then, ok?

If you do that for me, I'll do something for you: I'll post more often so you can keep reading and connecting and learning what life is like from my perspective. It's nice to know the world is smaller than it feels sometimes and to know that somebody, like you, cares enough to keep reading!

My Ship is Sailing Into the Sunset

Wow. Am I ever tired. This is going to be a lame post, so here's a recent photo of my reasons to get you through it!

I have had a couple busy, productive weeks at work. A huge press conference today was the climax, and I'm pleased to say it went very, very well. Yea, me.

Now I'm gearing up for one more day and then planning to tackle the house the rest of the week. It's summer/winter switch-out time. Remember? That's a mom task. Shrek has NEVER done this.

I'm actually thinking of shipping the kids out to his mom's house for about a day and a half this weekend... Momma's crashing. Starting now....

Needing a moment, and taking it. Hope you can too.

Blogging About a Boy

Max and I waiting to find out the sex of the baby

I was surprised, I admit it, on Friday morning when Dave and I learned I am carrying another boy! I don't know why I was so sure it was a girl, but alas, we will welcome a fourth child who is a third son. I LOVE my boys, so this is a great surprise!

I do mourn the fact that Lily won't have a sister like I do, but she'll always have Julia, a cousin who is just four months younger. And so, a SON. The kids are excited, and I know Daddy is ELATED!

It's been a very productive weekend, and I'm beat. I'm going to sign out for now and hope I can spend more time here later this busy week!

Time to drift off to dream about my holding my newborn son...

19 Weeks and A Side of Sass

Well, yes, I still have almost five months to go.

Colby has been sleeping better the past few nights. He's getting past an ear infection and maybe a new tooth (who knows?!) Anyway, I was thankful he slept until 4 a.m., was soothed by Shrek, and then went back to sleep until 5. Then he was up again by 6, with my alarm. I could tell he wasn't ready to really get up and I had to get ready for work... So I changed his diaper, got him a cup of milk, turned off my alarm and snuggled him back to sleep. And... fell asleep. Ooops.

Next thing I knew, it was nearly 7:30 a.m., so Momma kicked it into high gear, put on her sass boots and got it done: kids dressed, fed, delivered to school and sitter, momma dressed, make-upped, coffee and breakfast sandwich made to go. And I happily devoured my breakfast and Anna Quindlen audio book as I drove my hour to work and just kept going. I killed a huge to-do list, had an awesome lunch on College Green with my new intern and generally rocked the work day!

So tomorrow marks Week 19 of this pregnancy. And the next day, hopefully, we'll find out what kind of baby we're having. That is, whether it's of the boy or girl variety. We're so excited! Both of the older two are convinced it's a girl, I think because it just makes sense to them to have "three boys and three girls in our family." And Colby? That happy baby is blissfully unaware that his life is about to change; he won't have nearly the time his big sibs had to be the baby of the family.

And his momma? Well, she tried to savor rocking the punk to sleep tonight, to not wish he'd hurry up and drift into dreamland, because she suddenly felt nauseous, overheated, huge and tired.

In a perfect world, we would all know what we have. We'd slow down, we'd forget about the Joneses and the Kardashians and all of the silly, trite things we allow to fill our lives.

We'd kick our workweeks in the pants, remember to stop with the kids to admire the ant pile on the sidewalk for as long as they wanted, and we'd rock our babies to sleep as long as they would let us.

And THAT is exactly what I'm trying to do.

“Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time.”
- Billy Joel

We're Back!

Lily is taking first grade right in stride, just as I knew she would. This little fashionista is her mother's daughter, though, I promise you, I didn't have NEARLY the fashion sense she does at age six.

Anyway, she jumped out of bed yesterday and rushed off to meet the rest of her life. These cute little brothers tagged along to the bus stop. WARNING: Possibly the sweetest photo in the world ahead!



We waited forever for the bus to come, but the kids were good!

I'm also back to life. I was down for four days with such a killer headache! I've been diagnosed with sinusitis, and the sinuses still don't seem to be draining. I'm not complaining though, because the headache has finally died down.

I'm 16 weeks pregnant today. Here's a photo to show you all that Baby #4 might just show a bit earlier and larger than you might expect!



I still look a little rough around the eyes, but I, for one, am just amazed that I managed a full day of work and then, of course, a full evening of dealing with the kids all by myself. I think I'll stop there, 'cause remember? I'm trying not to complain!

"In spite of all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world."
From my favorite poem, "Desiderata"

The Fight for Pillow Pets

So, yeah, have any of you other moms seen the Pillow Pets commercial on TV? My kids have, and they want Pillow Pets!

So much so that when I told Lily I have arranged for the two of us to finally have "Girl Day" tomorrow afternoon for school shopping and other fun, she said all she wanted was a Pillow Pet! I said, "Lily, it's time for school shopping. We're not getting Pillow Pets." She insists that she has $9 and that I'm a "mean mommy who never buys [her] anything!" This, of course, was after she put on a fashion show with the five or six outfits I bought her at a yard sale on the way home from work.

Remember the post about teaching my kids to be grateful? Still working on that.


In other news, Lily has been an amazing help lately. She can even get Colby to fall asleep for his nap now. She takes her own showers, pulls the stopper at just the right time to "get the boys' bath ready," and she's just kind of amazing in general. Come to think of it, she just might get that Pillow Pet after all.

Mr. Max is also growing up. I've noticed this week that his "thank you's" are automatic. He's still working on the "please" part, but we're getting there. He is a strange mix of sweetness and aggressiveness right now. He and I have had some one-on-one time this week as well, and it was great! One of the bigger challenges in my crazy life right now is getting enough time to spend one-on-one with each kid. Of course, Colby doesn't yet care.

Speaking of Colby, he's rotten and ornery. He's walking everywhere now. I said the other day, and it's true, that he has turned in his gorilla baby crawl for more of an old chimpanzee walk. He looks like a wobbly old man still, but the huge, proud smile really helps!

Alas, another week has passed. I'm saying goodbye to the first trimester. (May I never see it again. =) ) And I realized this: I'm starting my 132nd week of pregnancy (in my life, you know.) So hey! I get to be quiet, moody, peaceful, tired and elated, in strange and twisty turns.

Hoping my energy level is about to spike... There is just so much I want to do!

Missing Lake Tweet

A Lake Tweet shot with no lake in sight.

Well, I'm exhausted from Jambo and running around this week. The kids are too. Daddy is almost done with four 12's at work. We're all missing Lake Tweet, but with the heat and the tiredness, it just might wait.

The weather just isn't letting up at all, but I have a feeling that summer is wrapping up. I think it's just a post-Jambo thing. And it's also my state-of-mind. I'm ready to be lazy, pregnant and cozy in my house, I think. I'm thinking cool nights, hooded sweatshirts, crisp leaves and whip-cream-topped hot cocoa. (You can send the hate mail now, summer lovers.)

But I'm not too serious. I'm just preparing for fall. I'm not totally done with summer yet, but maybe a weekend break is what this momma needs. And a glass of Beringer white zinfandel, but that's neither here nor there.

The headaches are twice daily, at least. A couple more weeks, and I'll kiss this first trimester goodbye! I'm hoping for renewed vigor. Hope floats, you know. It just won't drown in my sea of life.

Night, dudes. Out.

Faith, Grace and Selflessness

Sometimes God gives us amazing miracles when we least expect it.

I know a little bit about this lately. On June 11, nearly a month ago now, I learned something about myself. I learned that I'm unexpectedly pregnant with my fourth child. Roberts 4.0 is due February 10, 2011. Colby Levi, who you might remember just had his first birthday, will be about 20 months old.

I'd be lying if I said my initial reactions weren't shock, incredulousness and just a little bit of illness. They were. But I have an amazing husband who took it in stride, though he felt the same way. I've taken my time to get used to the idea. I had a week of quiet time with my family and private discussions with my husband around bullfrog-serenaded campfires. That was the beginning of fear and uncertainty turning to peace and resolve.

Soon, I'd told some of my core supporters. More friends and family have been let in on the surprise in the past few weeks. By and large, responses have been positive. There have been happy claps on the back, grown men affectionately talking in baby talk to my midsection, and warrior mothers sharing with me their utmost confidence in my ability to mother and to mother well. Thank you.

I've also had some negative responses. My least favorite, for some reason, is the "You do know how this happens, right?" What? Um, yeah. I remember from fifth grade health class, people. Thanks for taking me for an idiot.

I had one slightly disapproving cousin ask me--very slowly and twice--"But how do you do it??"

And I paused for the slightest moment and said, with conviction, "I do it with faith, grace and selflessness, and a lot of it!"

Oh, and gratitude, of course.

Thank you, Lord, for another amazing miracle.