AWOL

Well, I have a ton of things I'd like to write about, and I promised myself I'd blog tonight. First, I went AWOL for a bit. Now that I'm ready to write, sadly, my laptop is AWOL. (I'm posting from Shrek's unfamiliar machine.)

I've also just finished a really wonderful novel, so I'm kind of still saying goodbye to the characters....

So here are a couple of sweet photos from my amazing, freedom-celebrating weekend. I live my life in a state of gratitude. The beauty and the blessings that surround me have me in awe.

I am tired. I am sore. I am happy.

Leaving My Footprint

I'll be slipping into bed soon with mixed feelings on the day. I can't even believe I'm saying that given the success I had in getting things done, namely, my first real workout in a long time. I also juggled an unusually fussy baby with batting emails back and forth with my best friend and bride-to-be, designing and ordering birth announcements and thank you cards and making dinner for my extended family. While I did some of that, the boys--okay, Max--finger and toe painted my kitchen linoleum blue. Blue is his favorite color.

I think, from the looks of Colby, that he may have helped just a wee bit. (And, in the mess of the cupboard, he found a binky, which I've been limiting...)


I have been keenly aware of my place in this world lately. Right now, it is home with my newborn and family. I find my happiness and success in making a complete meal every night, keeping house and growing children. Alas, I can't be on paid leave forever. If I could, I would.

Because there is so much joy in a home. In making a place yours. In spending the day with your kids, who are perfectly imperfect.

And I think that's where I am going with this.

The daughter of friends is battling brain cancer and a young girl in the next town lost her battle today with a similar brain cancer. And a day of helping my first-grader make the bus stop on time, playing hot potato with my crying newborn just to get a moment with both hands free, and throwing two healthy, raucous boys into the tub again after they paint my kitchen floor blue? It's paradise. Really.

And so, in spite of all the good in today, my heart is heavy for others. As someone said of the little girl that passed away, "Her wings will take her where her feet could not."


But we're all still here. Where will our feet take us?

While I'm still not sure how far I'll go, it is my hope that my footprint will be one of gratitude, of happiness and of love. Life really is beautiful, just the way it is.

Home Stretch

Ahhhh, the home stretch. I'm finally here. I'm officially on maternity leave. I just had to do it.

I'm 37 weeks tomorrow and hoping to get to the OB's office for my appointment and to schedule an induction (maybe for some time next week?) tomorrow before the snowstorm hits.

I really am feeling well, in spite of the pressure, back pain, killer heartburn and other assorted ailments. Mr. Colby is giving me a blessed week or two of very good sleep. The little man has decided, finally, he likes to be in his own crib all night! Mysteriously, he has woken up at 6:36 a.m. the last three days. Have you other moms experienced that deja vu? Each of my kids have gone through their own strange periods of waking at the EXACT time each day. How does that happen??

Anyway. I am on my way to the finish line here. My feelings are mixed in that I so love pregnancy, newborns and those early days and weeks of life. And this is it. This really is the final babe.

But I continually strive to keep my eyes, mind and heart wide open. I'm cataloguing moments. I'm achingly aware that this time of my life, with all its work, repetition and sheer exhaustion, might well be the time I will miss most as I age and as my children grow.

I am in the home stretch of my childbearing days. I am finishing chapters and beginning new ones.

My sincere thanks to Kristin Pottmeyer for helping me to preserve this time with the most gorgeous images I could have imagined. There are more to come, more family photos with the final, precious branch to be taken.

And I am ever sure that "these are my reasons."

19 Weeks and A Side of Sass

Well, yes, I still have almost five months to go.

Colby has been sleeping better the past few nights. He's getting past an ear infection and maybe a new tooth (who knows?!) Anyway, I was thankful he slept until 4 a.m., was soothed by Shrek, and then went back to sleep until 5. Then he was up again by 6, with my alarm. I could tell he wasn't ready to really get up and I had to get ready for work... So I changed his diaper, got him a cup of milk, turned off my alarm and snuggled him back to sleep. And... fell asleep. Ooops.

Next thing I knew, it was nearly 7:30 a.m., so Momma kicked it into high gear, put on her sass boots and got it done: kids dressed, fed, delivered to school and sitter, momma dressed, make-upped, coffee and breakfast sandwich made to go. And I happily devoured my breakfast and Anna Quindlen audio book as I drove my hour to work and just kept going. I killed a huge to-do list, had an awesome lunch on College Green with my new intern and generally rocked the work day!

So tomorrow marks Week 19 of this pregnancy. And the next day, hopefully, we'll find out what kind of baby we're having. That is, whether it's of the boy or girl variety. We're so excited! Both of the older two are convinced it's a girl, I think because it just makes sense to them to have "three boys and three girls in our family." And Colby? That happy baby is blissfully unaware that his life is about to change; he won't have nearly the time his big sibs had to be the baby of the family.

And his momma? Well, she tried to savor rocking the punk to sleep tonight, to not wish he'd hurry up and drift into dreamland, because she suddenly felt nauseous, overheated, huge and tired.

In a perfect world, we would all know what we have. We'd slow down, we'd forget about the Joneses and the Kardashians and all of the silly, trite things we allow to fill our lives.

We'd kick our workweeks in the pants, remember to stop with the kids to admire the ant pile on the sidewalk for as long as they wanted, and we'd rock our babies to sleep as long as they would let us.

And THAT is exactly what I'm trying to do.

“Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be
Before your time.”
- Billy Joel

A Real Day Off

"Do you like butter, Max??"

I was lazy on Friday. I am not lazy by nature. I work three days a week and often spend my two days off doing laundry, sweeping my entire first floor, taking care of the kids, doing dishes and performing other house-wifey tasks. And I did do some of this on Friday.

But, mostly, I let myself enjoy my little monkeys. I floated with all three of them on our loveseat "boat." I humored them, loved them and treasured being with them on my day off. Around 2 p.m., I started taking photos for this post.

I watched my beautiful kids play in the baby pool on the back deck...

I washed the dishes, twice....


I interested the kids in an experiment borrowed from my own youth: dyeing Queen Anne's lace with colored water. Here's our before photo...


And the after photo, taken today, four days later...


That's right. I'm a cool-cat mom.

There were also laundry basket rides, lots of peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches, two catnaps for mommy and meltdowns during the dreaded 2 p.m.-to-3 p.m. hour (evening is so far away!) Oh, and I let Colby tear up tissues for a bit. He loves to make a mess....


It was a good day! Colby, at 14 months, is finally walking. Hallelujah! Life is beautiful.