Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Holding On and Letting Go

It seems I am becoming too busy to blog. I haven't posted in a week! All I have to say about that is that I have been busy. I think I will be busy the rest of my life. But I'm not hanging this up. I am going to be wise enough to know when I have to let one ball fall to keep the rest in the air. I guess, this past week, the blog was the ball that had to fall.

But even I am impressed that this is my 100th post. Somehow, in the past nearly ten months, I have found the brain power, the passion and the time to blog 100 times. Given my crazy life and the fact that four little creatures call me mom, I'm amazed. So, let's pick it up here and keep moving!

My mind is full of so many things. I have been thinking lately during my long commutes that I simply need to schedule a "brain dump." While it's not the prettiest phrase, it's fitting. I need to take this poor brain and dump out some of the details. I have to let go of the Wal-Mart lists, the memory-keeping, the sympathy cards I haven't yet sent, the doctor's appointments, the winter-summer clothing exchange.

In the past couple of weeks, I have begun to get longer chunks of sleep that allow me to dream again, or at least to remember the dreams. They are crazy concoctions of my subconscious. I dream about work, about the water that needs to be added to the Keurig before it will brew my next cup of coffee, about the diapers Luke needs at the sitter's house. It's bizarre.

In addition to the details I'm holding on to, I'm also holding on to extra weight. The pregnancy pounds aren't melting off as fast as they have after my other babies. Part of this is that I'm getting older, while part of it is that my body and mind are under such stress that my body is just refusing to give up the weight. I'm getting too much of the stress hormone and not enough water. Too much of the sitting on the couch nursing/sitting in the office working/sitting in the car driving and not enough sleep.

So life isn't going to change too much. An editor or agent isn't going to see my blog and hand me the world on a silver platter. Nobody else is going to take care of me but me.

And so, I'm going to schedule that brain dump, try to sleep more, stress less, eat my veggies and drink my water. I'm going to be less hard on myself.

I'm going to nuzzle the soft, sweet-smelling heads of my children and the familiar, now SMOKE-FREE (hooray!!) neck of my husband. When a ball has to drop, I'm going to watch it roll away with a smile. When we finally get that first camping weekend at the lake, I'm going to take in the sunshine, the fresh air and the joy. I'm going to feed off those positives and carry them with me into the rainy days, the days where the supermom gig seems harder than ever.

And, right now, I'm going to sign off. I'm going to eat a bowl of cereal, watch this awesome season finale of "Parenthood," do the bare minimum to get ready for work, school and sitter tomorrow, and spend some time with my handsome husband, with whom my amazing supermom gig wouldn't have been possible. =)

Life is crazy good, and nothing is guaranteed. So let's keep moving!

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